Uniforms

So I was thinkin today. I have been wearing some sort of uniform for over half of my life. First awana's and then band and now FF and being a medic. It's funny cause when i do get a date I have to dig through half of my clothes looking for something that doesn't resemble a uniform. So is anyone willing to make me dig through my closet's??? And just so you know it doesn't have to be a date. I MISS ALL OF MY BFF'S!!!!

Our FD open house

So i went and picked up and grandma to go to our grand opening of our new fire house. I arrived at her apt and she had on her NOCFA shirt on. She was looking pretty cool i must say. We drove the 45 minutes up there. We arrived and i gave her a tour. She stated it looks like the other fire station ( Tri-City).LOL. I got her some food and cake when chief came over and said "Hey Fawn a woman is here from the Fish Lk/Grange Hall accident and she would like to get a picture with all of her hero's" So i went over there and met her and her grandchildren and we all took a picture with her and her grandchildren. She asked who stuck her with the I.V. and all the Firefighters pointed to me. Then she stated thank you Fawn for getting the I.V. and only sticking me once, I have horrible veins. It was a awesome feeling to get that kind of moment so to speak and have my grandmother there also. She then went over to my grandmother and told her she did a great job with me. I told her that mygrandmother is the awesome one not me. Then I told her where do you think i got my awesome I.V. skills from. LOL

Granny

So i had a interesting question the other day? How come my grandma's drug use and alcohol use doesn't bother me and my mom's does. Well first i take care of all my granny's meds and make sure she isn't getting to trashed. And as most of you know my mom is just a plain lying bitch. She unfortunately uses manipulation to get what and who she wants. So there's your answer.

My ebay

So today was searching ebay and found two fire dept patches that were memory patches from Jimmy Riches which is the funeral that i and my fellow firefighter's went to in New York. So i was pretty stoked to buy them. I am gonna try and attach the patches for you all to see.

Another letter from my mother to my aunt(wife to my mother's brother mike)

Dear Mary i enjoyed your letter. I have been to some crazy Dr's and as i look back at my medical records i wonder how i ever survived as i constantly have to fax things to w/c insurance to get reimbursed for mileage etc. I did go to vanderbilt which is the best neuro place in the country when i first got hurt. Kathy recommended dr. siriam who is one of the best neuro. in the country. i saw him and he told me what to expect with my spinal cord injury, nerve damage and ruptured discs and advised not to get surgery. he told me i could expect seizures down the line as the nerve damage progressed and more discs ruptured and what i could expect . so i go along with my life. then you throw in the death of my dad and Bob's 2 heart attack, bypass surgery, loss of medical benefits and me getting run off the road by a logging truck and stir up the pot. i thought i was doing OK till my daughter came down who had not been down in 8yrs.. my house was a train wreck as bill and i had been invited to many seminars and the house became not a priority. i think that was a shock to her with the living room being like a storage closet ha-ha.bob works about 50 hrs a week so that leaves the house, the 7 acres and all the animals care to me. I do what i can, some days i am exhausted. I get alot of calls from people who need help and i try to help or steer them in the right direction.so many people don't have money to feed their animals, need doghouses or whatever. I was running in 52 different directions i told the humane society and bill i had to slow down as i was running down. When fawn got here i was exhausted we never even got to talk she wasn't here long. She talked to bob and he told me things after she left. I said some hateful things to her. I snapped then apologized. She won't forgive me which is her choice.I don't know how mom is doing cause when i call if fawn is there she says she has to go. I appreciate how wonderful she is to her. I send mom emails almost everyday when i call mom i ask her if she got my emails she says no. Fawn prints her emails up for her so she can read them so i think that is rather childish and immature on her part that she is deleting my emails. I guess i will have to go back to sending her cards. Fawn wants to be angry with me okay but if i want to write mom it is not her place to delete the emails i send mom so you are not getting the whole pic. Fawn is not telling the whole story she wants to be the victim that is what i meant when i wrote you about the dysfunctional relationship she has. I love that she is there for her and i appreciate that but there is love and there is control and there is codependency. Is mom controlling fawn's life or is fawn controlling mom's life and i don't mean it in a hateful way so please don't take it wrong. i found it bizarre that fawn was angry with me for being on a low dose of xanax and taking lortab for pain when mom is going to the pain clinic and getting extra strength vicodin and popping them like candy. Then she goes to dad's Dr. and gets Oxycontin and takes that as well. She goes home and tells everyone i was doped up guess what carol had a seizure but carol did not tell fawn that. Bob knew i had a seizure but did not tell fawn and that is why she could not arouse me. He did not want to upset her. that is my life. Was so busy cleaning her bedroom i did not take my seizure meds i had a seizure but i did not want her to know and i asked bob not to tell. So know you know the truth. So my life goes on and i take my seizure meds 5 times a day exactly on time and i am okay bob calls and reminds me. I carry my cellphone around my neck and wear my medical alert bracelet dad gave me finally broke down and put that on and life goes on. I just got to slow down and relax. I cry and talk to the cats and dogs they are great listeners and continue with my therapy i can call you on Friday if you want i have free long distance if you want. I should have been honest with fawn if you lie, you just have to lie and lie to fix the lie. Love you give mikey and the cats a kiss. xoxoxo carol and the zoo
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Life

Life again has thrown me another curve ball. Last week i lost another friend. This time to what he thinks"may have been or will happen" I guess maybe i have to much respect for myself. I refuse to be wrapped up in another married drama. I did that before and i was young. It has taken me 34 years to get my life together and now i hope i am trying to head in the right direction now. So if you chose to move onto the next because they will put out so to speak. Then that is your life. I am and always will be a friend to all of my friends. As most of them know i will go to bat for you, lose my job for you, and be the one next to you in jail going was that awesome. But i refuse to be any one's whore. or be disrespected in any matter. What you did this week was completely disrespectful. And i hope it was worth losing a friend over.

My birthday

I spent my birthday working, which was kind of a bummer cause i was hoping to get crazy and take my clothes off at a bar or something. Not really. well maybe.
So i actually ran my ass off that day, but i did get the face book and text messages and voice mails. There were a ton, which made me all warm and fuzzy.
I even had Kim T and Amy H who have only know me a short time come see me at work and bring me a card and flowers which really brighten my day. It's cool that people do small things that impact our life in such a huge manner.
It's cool to think that i have been in alot of people's lives whether it is work or dating or just friends i grew up with and how we have all managed to at least keep in touch one way or another.
It's also creeping that some people that are big kids themselves have kids.That's the funny part. Like my friend Jeff J is was a big prankster always getting into things and now he has two cute, adorable kids and a great wife. Even his brother settled down.LOL
Now will i ever settle down. I'm really not sure. I need to slow down. I was thinking that on my birthday. I work so much that all these people that have texted me or left messages like my Mr. shepp i never see. I love my birthday but i also know that it means that summer is coming to an end.
This week though will be the start of fun. i have two concerts on tues and weds. And cruefest with Amy H on sat.
So lets hope i slow down a little.