Another letter from my mother to my aunt(wife to my mother's brother mike)

Dear Mary i enjoyed your letter. I have been to some crazy Dr's and as i look back at my medical records i wonder how i ever survived as i constantly have to fax things to w/c insurance to get reimbursed for mileage etc. I did go to vanderbilt which is the best neuro place in the country when i first got hurt. Kathy recommended dr. siriam who is one of the best neuro. in the country. i saw him and he told me what to expect with my spinal cord injury, nerve damage and ruptured discs and advised not to get surgery. he told me i could expect seizures down the line as the nerve damage progressed and more discs ruptured and what i could expect . so i go along with my life. then you throw in the death of my dad and Bob's 2 heart attack, bypass surgery, loss of medical benefits and me getting run off the road by a logging truck and stir up the pot. i thought i was doing OK till my daughter came down who had not been down in 8yrs.. my house was a train wreck as bill and i had been invited to many seminars and the house became not a priority. i think that was a shock to her with the living room being like a storage closet ha-ha.bob works about 50 hrs a week so that leaves the house, the 7 acres and all the animals care to me. I do what i can, some days i am exhausted. I get alot of calls from people who need help and i try to help or steer them in the right direction.so many people don't have money to feed their animals, need doghouses or whatever. I was running in 52 different directions i told the humane society and bill i had to slow down as i was running down. When fawn got here i was exhausted we never even got to talk she wasn't here long. She talked to bob and he told me things after she left. I said some hateful things to her. I snapped then apologized. She won't forgive me which is her choice.I don't know how mom is doing cause when i call if fawn is there she says she has to go. I appreciate how wonderful she is to her. I send mom emails almost everyday when i call mom i ask her if she got my emails she says no. Fawn prints her emails up for her so she can read them so i think that is rather childish and immature on her part that she is deleting my emails. I guess i will have to go back to sending her cards. Fawn wants to be angry with me okay but if i want to write mom it is not her place to delete the emails i send mom so you are not getting the whole pic. Fawn is not telling the whole story she wants to be the victim that is what i meant when i wrote you about the dysfunctional relationship she has. I love that she is there for her and i appreciate that but there is love and there is control and there is codependency. Is mom controlling fawn's life or is fawn controlling mom's life and i don't mean it in a hateful way so please don't take it wrong. i found it bizarre that fawn was angry with me for being on a low dose of xanax and taking lortab for pain when mom is going to the pain clinic and getting extra strength vicodin and popping them like candy. Then she goes to dad's Dr. and gets Oxycontin and takes that as well. She goes home and tells everyone i was doped up guess what carol had a seizure but carol did not tell fawn that. Bob knew i had a seizure but did not tell fawn and that is why she could not arouse me. He did not want to upset her. that is my life. Was so busy cleaning her bedroom i did not take my seizure meds i had a seizure but i did not want her to know and i asked bob not to tell. So know you know the truth. So my life goes on and i take my seizure meds 5 times a day exactly on time and i am okay bob calls and reminds me. I carry my cellphone around my neck and wear my medical alert bracelet dad gave me finally broke down and put that on and life goes on. I just got to slow down and relax. I cry and talk to the cats and dogs they are great listeners and continue with my therapy i can call you on Friday if you want i have free long distance if you want. I should have been honest with fawn if you lie, you just have to lie and lie to fix the lie. Love you give mikey and the cats a kiss. xoxoxo carol and the zoo
.