letter 2

dear fawn i continue to get letters from mary and got a wonderful story about why pets never live as long as humans from mom i hope she sends it to you as you really need to read it perhaps you might learn something from it.. i am sorry you were embarrassed by my house and me. i am not into the status symbols, my clothes come from the goodwill store. i have more important things to do with my money like taking care of myself and my animals. i try to help others if they call and need a hand too' you know those people you call nobodies or flunkies, us invisible people, those of us who are on disability who don't work. i am trying to understand why you said the things you said to your dad or why you discussed my business with mike and the whole family. if you had an issues you should have had enoiugh respect to come to me but that is not how you work. you have no respect for me and i feel sorry for you and you have my pity for your lonely life but i still love you. if it makes you feel like a loving daughter to spew lies about me when you don't know what's going on please feel free to do so. thankyou for cleaning off the roof and cleaning the livingroom. i am not home much i do alot of community service work with the disabled and work with the best friend friends network and re-homing animals so the housework falls by the wayside but then again you let me know what a dumpy house i live in. i hope you have slowed down on your alcohol consumtion and are taking care of your diabetes. love you mom and the zoo. perhaps we will talk but i am not ready yet to accept your apology because it won't be from your heart..............

my moms email to me

dear mary thankyou so much for your love and concern. i am greatly hurt by what my daughter is saying about me behind my back. i am more concerned with her drinking and her diabetes.i was up for 24 hours after my accident after being run off the road by a logging truck whose driver was either drunk or asleep the man in the car behind me witnessed the event and said it was the best snap decision driving he had seen that he almost wet his pants.i hit the tree as the next stop was to go down about a 20 ft revene and i surely would have been dead. i had my 2 service dogs with me i grabbed daisy threw her to the floor grabbed marilyn's service vest she was in the back seat and pulled her to the floor and told her to "down stay" in the harshed tone i could before the crash.fire depts. from 3 cities came and the state troopers came while they were strapping me on the backboard the new emt did not know how to put on the c-collar i put it on .they had to use the jaws of life to pry open the car doors. the state trooper was going to take my dogs to the shelter i told him to reach into marilyn's vest and get out the paper he asked me what the paper was and i told him it was the ada federal law regarding service dogs and their handlers. i told them if my dogs were not allowed to go in the ambulance i would sign a medical release and i would go home and they would each be fined $150,000. the dogs went in the ambulance to the hospital with me. in the er they had a room waiting with blankets on the floor for the dogs. i fx 3 ribs and my sternum and i carry my DNR papers in my purse and my living will and my organ donor papers mom has a copy of them as well.the car was totalled.when fawn told me she was coming i stayed up and hauled the vacuum upstairs, moved all the furniture in her room, stripped both the beds washed the linens, made the bed. then she said she was going to stay in the other bedroom so i moved the furniture in the other bedroom and vacuumed stripped the bed and made it up moved the furniture around in the loft dusted and they ended up staying at the holiday inn. when they got here i had had 4 hrs of sleep in 2 days and 3 seizures. fawn said after we got back from town i took a bunch of pills i collapsed in the chair this is the list of meds i take please feel free to pass this letter on to the whole family i have nothing to hidefish oil 3000mgmutivitamin qdcalcium qdpotassium 10 meq qdtopamax 200mg amtopamax 100mg 12ntopamax 200mg 6pmpromethezathine 25mg q4-6 prn nauseaneurontin 600mg tidrobaxin 750mg bidlortab 10 q 8hr pristiq 50mg qdxanax 0.5mg q8hrglucosamine chondrotinmarilyn my service dog alerts me to a seizure usually an hour before as well as daisy who has brain cancer now that is why i had to have a new dog trained.if it is any of my family's business i do not drink like you all do. i do smoke cigarettes. swear upon occassion. i see a therapist every 2-3 wks and talk about how hateful and dysfunctional my family is. i see a psychiatrist every 3 months who monitors my meds, michael. i see a neurologist who regulates my pain meds my topamax and my neuronton as i am losing the sensation in my hands and feet. i don't go dr. shopping go to one dr. and get pain meds and then another dr. and get pain meds. i don;t buy $150 shoes or concert tickets then complain about not being able to buy my diabetic meds and then drink alcohol.. i don't stab my mother in the back. if i have a concern about my mother i talk to her about it but i guess i never taught my daughter to respect me and that is my fault.i guess fawn forgot to tell you about the owner at firehouse sub saying i don't pay for meals there when we went there to eat.. i have a reputation all over town for all the people disabled, elderly, homeless and the animals i have helped. that is why i am tired and old and worn out. that is what the people here will remember me for. my daughter is ashamed of me for living in a house that is falling apart, who wears baggy clothes cause she has lost over 100 lbs my animals are happy, healthy and cared for and they don't stab you in the back. they love and accept you for what you are and never accuse. i can only assume fawn is so unhappy in her life that she had to make hateful lies about mine she has my pity. i sent her a text message and she did not even give me the respect to answer she is no longer welcome at my house. she is welcome to apologize. she will always have my love but not my forgiveness, she has my pity. thankyou mary for your concern and hello and love to michael please feel free to email this to the entire family it is entirely to painful for me to type this over and over. lots of love carol and the zoo kisses to the kitties

Drama

So my mother texts me Thursday morning with a text stating"i hit a tree going 80mph and i totaled the Aztec and four fire depts had to extricate me from the car and a haz mat team. OK??? are you OK?? well i have a broken leg and a shoulder injury. OK?? Do you need me to come down?? Well that's up to you fawn... So i get out of work call around to get the animals situated cause Lisa is out of town too. I call the Weil's and barb volunteers Matt.. take Matt you might need him..OK..
So we start on the way down,Matt drives like grandma so it took us like ten hours to get there. we get there and we spend the first night in a hotel cause were too tired to drive anymore. We get up and on the way to mom's. mom answer's the door. now she is supposed to have broke bones and a leg brace on. Not so much. She's a little bruised that's bout it. So now I'm pissed. The house smells like cat piss and dog piss. You cant walk anywhere without touching or being near a animal. The roof is leaking,the toilet won't flush and the laundry room floor is being held together by duct tape. The spare room that is the nicest in the house is overflowing with trash and bath/body works.
So were hungry. We try and get mom up and to lunch,she tells us that she needs to take her seizure meds. She takes her meds and then we get her in the truck. She passes out and doesn't wake up till she gets to the firehouse subs. Then she barely stays awake through lunch. We get her back to the house and she falls asleep again. We get her in the house and she wants to sit on the floor. OK we will be on the roof cleaning. We get the roof done and i go into the house and their is my mom cashed out on the floor with dog piss on her. I call out to Matt to get her up and in the chair and she falls back asleep again.
So i start going through her pills and she has gone through 90 vicoden pills in like 15 days. And 12 pills she got filled on the day before 9 are gone of a pain reliever. So apparently we have a little problem.
Matt and i clean the spare room. Getting a truck load of garbage out. My step-father shows up and i start yelling at him. I ask him why are you letting her drive and why is she taking so many pills? his answer was classic. "your mom is your mom" i can't stop her.
so my visit was useless. But we did get alot done.

Partners

My first real partner was DICKIE. We always had a blast. Always out trolling around. One day we pull up next to a hot chic in a car and the window was down and asks her if she has ever had any German she says no and he says would u like some in ya. CLASSY!! The next was our trying to get out of runs. I know BAD. They were always transfers if that's better.LOL We did the 14 gauge in the tree and replace it with a nail or oil on the fan belt, hence the belt falls off.
Ron S was my second partner and he was a little more mature. Just a little. We still we went out partying but we were going to paramedic school too. But he would never sabotage any truck. And had better luck with Chic's.
Then i became a paramedic...WOOOOOO. My first partner was Nancy. Nancy at first was a little uptight. Always chirping. With her you had to prove you had some sort of brain. And i was full of answers they were all crammed in my small brain in one year. One you did that she was OK . And she shopped alot. And Chic's love to shop. I'm kind of wishing i was at post 7 right now.
I had a few different partners after that and then i went to the D.
I had a few great partners. I had Joye, she was cool except for her actually being a real human being with feelings.LOL We always had shitty ass runs and we'd always have to eat lots of chocolate.
Brandon H, He reminds me of me when i was his age. Drinking and having lots of dates. But he also a hilarious guy. Our first shooting he ran around the truck. I said Brandon chill out dude he's not your relative. He's a great guy though.
Doug. Good lord Doug. And his twin. Doug is funny and got mad dance moves. His brother is funny but uptight. but you always fed.
At the FD you have all sorts of different partners. Matt feds you. Janet cleans alot. Ryan makes me watch that damn stupid bounty dog show. Allison cooks way good.
And as forrest sayd thats all i have to say bout that.

Regrets

Some people ask me if i have any regrets. A few. I was engaged twice both to great guys. The first one i was too young and the second i was scared shitless. As for other regrets i was determined not to be my mother she got pregnant at 18 and had to wait till i was 13 just to get her RN. And she was always married to her work. I never saw her and she worked everyday. Which explains why i work so much. She has a hate for my grandmother and trys to blame her whole entire life on her. I will admit my grandmother has her faults she's a bit demanding and drinks a little.LOL But her heart is always in the right place. First thing when you walk in the door is are you hungry??? and lately she's been trying to give me money. She also cracks jokes and is entertaining. She seems determined to think one of my friends is preg. Why let her give up on that dream???LOL
OK focus. Regrets. I went to OCC right after high school and started taking EMT classes. They teach you all these things and brain wash you that you are going to be a hero. RIGHT...
Not that you are gonna do transfers and carry the cot for Fire depts. FUN
Working BMX was cool. They fed you for free. EMT's and Paramedics run on free food. You want a successful hospital feed EMS/FD's.
So i got two regrets that's it. Let me think on it though.

BEING FIRED

So it took making it all the way to 33 to get fired from not one but two jobs. One of course is the D and the other is from a troy based ambulance service. For some reason or another my mouth seems to get me in trouble. Image that in America the land of the free a person who is a drug addict can get you fired for telling him to get a job. After he told me he was sick of stealing from his mother and offering him help through the PACE program and common ground. The other thing i was accuse of was being racist. That's really funny. Growing up in Pontiac for eight years and working in the D i have turned in a Bigot. RIGHT. See the problem with America is most people are so wrapped up in what other people think and say that shit that shouldn't even be important is. Like someone's race or sexuality or even there age.
As for the D. I stole some EKG leads for my personal use. Because everyone needs those. RIGHT. That's bout all i can say about that.

RUNS

Since i have been doing this for over 13 years i think you see some entertaining stuff and some Fu*ked up stuff. One of the worst and still bothers me is my Fire chief. I won't go into details out of respect for his family. But i did hand in my badge and gear the next day. Did i do anything wrong?? Probably not but it is a heavy load.
The next would probably be my own mother. Three of the last four times she has been her she has decided to overdose on meds. Which is pretty embarrassing. Here's my mother who at one point of her life was a RN at two Pontiac hospital's and now a junkie. really irritating. So i had to call 911 and then be called all sorts of awesome names. Its probably one the reasons i don't talk to her very often.
So I'm working medic 24 when we getting called for the 4th unit to 94 and i think central. We pull up and a DOT bus was going along 94 and hit 4 men changing a tire while their GF's watched on the lawn above. There body parts were all over 94 and now we have to pick them up out of public view. Nice.
Working medic 24 and Joye and i get called for a baby not breathing. We pull up and the baby is behind a house stabbed 9 times and is obviously dead. Until out LT shows up. She makes me intubate the baby and take him to children's while all the air is rushing out of his chest through the holes. WTF. Meanwhile poor Joye with three kids is crying the whole way there cause this run is so fucked up. And the father did it cause GOD told him to do it..Piece of shit.
One of our four pediatric CPR's was a 7 y/o that got hit by a car. The day crew comes back and says the truck is running all jacked up. Go figure. So Tony and I are coding to the run and on the way there the truck's transmission is going. So we call dispatch tell them we can probably make the run but need another truck. Well their are no units available cause its 7pm in the D. So we get there and he is unfortunately dead but we work him. With a dead truck. And the peeps are getting pissed. Rocking the truck. So i did something i don't normally do i let mom sit in the back and hold his hand and in between working I pray with her. Then in the D on peds trauma calls you don't give medications its protocol. Well what else am i gonna do??? I'm stuck on scene with pissed off peeps yelling to do something. And he also doesn't have a mark on him so what the hell. Looks like a peds medical call not trauma. Finally medic 16 comes to the rescue and saves us from scary peeps.LOL

Detroit Fire

So back in Dec of 2002. I got a Application in the mail from DFD for a Paramedic job in the D. I saw AMR at the time losing contracts and i thought i need to get off this sinking ship. So i talked to Henry H. at the time and asked him bout the D. I asked his opinion which i valued cause Henry worked down there and he's a pretty good guy. So i sent it in and had to do a agility test and a written. I was so stoked. Little did i know what i was getting in to. Had to do a 12 week academy and do a crap load of lifting. I did do all of em past 180 pounds. Even the 260 one. I did put it down i will admit but kept going. One of my partners Rose F. was the best. And even stronger than some of the guys. She is today one of my BFF's and has been awesome. Then out on the streets. I was at medic 4's for awhile. Which i knew the area cause my grandpa lived on warwick back in the day. I had a cool Lt who was a EMT and shortly retired afterwards. Then i was on my own. No tom-tom or anything. Learning the D. I have to admit i was scared not of the people but of getting lost. Then i put in for my promotion. Which mean being a medic. Because in the D you start out an EMT which is cool so you can learn the roads and the rules. I then become a PARAGOD. WOOOOOO.. Yeah OK. I work with all sorts of partners and then Tony and I work a summer together at Medic 13. We had 4 pediatric CPR's in one month. Needless to say i felt like i was a OK medic before. I had to become better in the D. And i believed I did. I saw stuff that people should not see...which is another Post.

My first real job

So i was a big bad ass EMT. or so i thought.LOL I applied at a place called Paramed. Was interviewed by Jeff Hawkins and he gave me a chance. I was so stoked. My first partner was LaVal U. And she made me go through the ringer. Which was good. Then i got my full-time partner Dickie and we had a blast. Our two lives were like a soap opera. His marriages. My engagements and boyfriends. Tons of alcohol and nakedness. But for the record we never had sexual relations. I'm sure we saw each other naked but that about it. We even had a name. THE DREAM TEAM. Looking back as fat as i was I'm sure no one was dreaming bout me..LOL We used to have the most fun working 5am to 5pm. Then go to the bar and still probably drunk in the am. Dickie was a little older than me.And I'm sure working with me made him feel younger cause i was and am still crazy. One morning in particular Dickie was living with Ron C and i had to pick him up for work cause his car started crashed after his wife left him and his house burned down. I get there at 435am and no dickie. I wait 5 mins still no DICKIE. Now Dickie has been talked to that he has to get his crap together. So i call dickie no luck. i call the the house and Natalie answers very pissy.LOL I tell her where the hell is DICKIE. She yells and DICKIE is sleeping. Dickie comes running out in his undies barely and uniform. That was a fun day. But we made it to work on time

my first blog

So this is my first blog. Not sure what to talk about. I guess I can tell you why i became a paramedic/firefighter. Growing up till i was eight it was just my mother and I. We struggled along and i remember even at one point having roaches in the tub while taking a bath. Then at age 8 my mother married a real tool box named Bob. At first i thought he was cool until the wonderful morning visits he did in the am. He decided to start touching me. Being that i was young and dumb so to speak i didn't tell anyone till i was 15. At band camp. I took a crap load of pills and went to bed. I obviously woke up and told my teacher. Who obviously told the right people because at 10am Monday morning they came out to my house and tore me away. Which started a whole mess of stuff.
I was never believed for whatever reason even though he failed a lie dector test. i left my house at 17 and never looked back. I didn't know what i was gonna do but i wasn't going back. i got two jobs and went to school becoming a EMT. I watched my great-grandmother pass away and i wanted to do something bout it. I also felt like a failure growing up so i wanted to wake up a hero everyday. I was determined whatever it took to not be my mother.